World of anxiety

Its been a long time since I have blogged, and the reason is I have a fear of being too popular! I prefer staying in house, not known to the world yet enjoying those little things I have in life. So before writing todays blog I deleted my followers/subscribers so I am hoping this space will remain private and I can vent out all my thoughts here.

Its 12:00 am Saturday and my family is asleep. Having the liberty to sleep 2 hours during the day I am wide awake and free(after a long long time)

If I ask myself what I want to write about, my brain wanders in a million places and its hard to decide the topic. Its a very restless world which surrounds me and there are innumerable reasons for this.

Its been 7 years I have come to Singapore. I wouldnt say 7 years went fast. But I cannot believe the person these 7 years have turned me into. Sometimes I think, what if god told me “Ok after 7 years this is how your life is..” I doubt I would have really got this life then. I have struggled a lot for these days in my life and it feels proud to be where I am today. Feels grateful to have a doting family around me. Of course there are aspects(like weight 😀 ) which need improvements but the last 7 years no matter which topic I have grown up so much.

In these years the mobile has come into my life and knowingly unknowingly I am victim of endless scrolling, getting emotional on sad posts, getting jealous of over positive posts etc. After dinner all I did is this.
Today I refrained myself from touching the phone and it ended with such a lovely conversation with husband. He reiterated that it was first time in several years that we spoke with each other hands in hands, totally engrossed. I agree and have realized how much the phone has slowly killed the “life” in my “life”.

So I know this blog had no topic as such, so yes I decided to give it that name “World of anxiety”. I hope to do sincere efforts to reduce this anxiety, reduce this restlessness and strive to achieve my goals, strive to get back the “life” in my life.

Marriage

Marriage is a chapter in life which each human being ponders about for a long duration during his tenure on the earth. I donot know if marriage is a bond of love that is bonded foreverin life or if marriage is a deal where 2 individuals see mutual benefits and decide to grow old living together or if marriage is a license to “love legally” in a society and gain respect from society or if marriage is a mandatory chapter which you need to read no matter how it goes through; one thing is sure it’s a word which has loads of importance in each and every persons life. I am not here to tell you what marriage is and how it should bel I am just amazed how it all happens to us.  I have met friends who are enjoying “sucessful marriages”, I have met people who have had “unsuccesful marriages”. I wonder if marriage is the start to end of thought process about life of anyone. You meet a old man and if hes never been married; the lady next to you will tell that “you know that old fellow never got married”,you see a young independent girl but divorced due to some problems, she wont be spared by anyone; till she get frustated and starts living isolated from everyone. Being happily married is so important to lead a peaceful life; not only for yourself but peaceful for the society in which you walk everyday. No doubt getting married is termed synonymous to being “settled”.

Though I believe marriage is just another path of the journey of life, live it the way it comes! 🙂

Emotions

No matter how much we try to control or avoid, emotion borns. It blossoms for a while. Then it takes us along its journey, makes us go through its different phases. Emotions gives birth to thoughts and we flow in the sea of thoughts driven by them. During these thoughts, we tend to make a perception and start living by it. Sometimes, we leave leave this small world and proceed with another emotion that has taken birth 🙂

My First Stage Performance

I worte this mail to all my friends after i walked down the stage 🙂

Hi everyone,

Just came down from stage and my body temperature is around -10 degrees. I am cold!!!

Story goes like this:

My manager asked us to participate in the annual fest of the company. I participated in the solo singing!!! 😛

ROUND1 : elimination and semis

There were around 20 from 6 offices singers who performed with and without karaoke. I had prepared for an hour only. I sang meine payal hai chankayi by falguni pathak. I sang without any music. Singing on mike was not easy and I was extremely nervous.. But it went ok ok I feel..

ÞRESULT :

A mail was forwaded to all offices like Hthis ” Announcing the finalists of solo singing …. Payal bhosale
Aparna
Saushtav”

almost whole office came and congratulated me. Felt awsome. The delivery unit lead, senior managers all came to me and congratulated. All crowded on my workstation. I was feeling awsome!!!!

We had 2 meetings that day with different teams both meetings all stood up and clapped for me.

My manager said she was proud of me etc..

FINALS :

My first time on stage. 250 odd people shouting!! I was scarreeedddd.. Dhur yaaylaa laagla stage var mala full tension .. I announced on mike hey all this is my first time on stage .. 😛 full tension aalela..

Karaoke started..
I started..
Behtaa hai mann kahi  ….
Bhage re mann kahi aage re mann kahi…
I sang crowd cheered I enjoyed the song.. I loved it on stage.. It was amazing experience..

After the show, all senior executives came to me and said you have amazing voice it was totally beautiful to hear you my manager all all everyone came and complimented personally. The audition judge came to me said beautiful speechless etc..
I am not sure how I performed but now I am sitting in the chair feeling like I just discovered a new me. 🙂

RESULTS :

Saushtav won based on votes he had a BIG gang to vote unlike me 😉

But I still feel great 🙂
First time in life I experienced sometimes its not about the win its just what you do makes it so special..

After writing to u guys my body temperature is back to normal and I missed u all a lot.
I have the video will share it 🙂

Loving today’s day so much  🙂
Payal

Change

Change is the only constant in life, I had read this proverb but have experienced it a lot recently.College to corporate life, an individual to a team member, hometown to Bengaluru and many more.
After every 5 years you emerge into a new role in life. Look back you feel you were so immature then.God keeps teaching us throughout. So one can’t really say he is “mature” enough “now”. Albert Einstein rightly had said that a problem is never easy to solve at the time when it gets created.After some lapse we feel we could have solved that problem this specific way.We have to Keep exploring life in every possible way.We must follow the exploratory approach for any situation. There comes the aspect of “perception”.Because as we explore we must be able to perceive different sides of the situation.Openness of mind plays a critical role.The thinking antennas must be pervasive and alert.
Perceive every change. Once you start enjoying this constant of change you are somewhere near to the stage of being “mature”.
Sail through the stages of being “Dependent”, “Independent” and then “Interdependent” in the right way and right time.
Jai Hind! 😛

Not Disabled, Abled and Different

I was around 4 years old when I had a friend,Siddharth. We used to play like any other kids and had lots of fun. I always felt he is smaller than me and used to treat him like a baby. As we grew together, I still felt he is  small until one day I realised we were of the same age.I knew something was different with him but what I never tried to find out. He could not express himself in words was one different thing. I never gave it a deeper thought.

But as I grew up I came to know that Siddharth suffered from Fragile X syndrome the most common cause for inherited mental impairment like autism and retardation the world over. Now I knew why I thought he was different. However we get along so well that i forget about this.

Today I had gone to see his gathering and his piano performance and it was really nice. Amongst all his school mates he was the best.I saw parents of children suffering from this syndrome and how  they were trying to make their “babies” dance to the tunes though very few of them were successful in making them do what they had to do on the stage.Autism is a condition wherein one needs “extreme care”. It can be like someone who can turn the shop upside down if rejected to give sweets in the shop,or someone who can sing very nicely and then scream for whole day,someone who can work for 24 hours without loosing concentration,someone who cant concentrate on a thing even for 2 seconds.They live in their world.Autism sufferings are shown in the movie “Black” by Rani and also in Taare Jameen Par. I have spent lots of time with such children right from my childhood to school days, I really understand what they go through.Their parents are real warriors fighting just to make  their children say a hi or look at something and concentrate.

Todays performances were touching. I felt god made all of them different all of them special. It was an indeed beautiful experience.